Some people struggle n fail . Some people get up despite falls. Heavy or small . That's what's human is all about. But not many of us know , the true meaning of our existance in this little planet.


In the reality world where everything demands monetary transaction , everything boils down to how contented u are. Humans arent born to be people of greed but rather mammals that are so pure that they absorb everything and anything they come to in their first sight.

For example , a newborn might not be learning as much as a children who is a few months or maybe a year's old . But the fact that a child can smile so happily it makes me ponder , how often have you seen an adult burst into laughing ? The answer would definitely be less than a handful. That's because as we grow older , we learn more things likewise adding on to the amount of things we have to juggle. This in turn makes us unhappy and not being able to just let go of all our problems to just think for ourselves " Why are we working day in day out without rest ? What is the ultimate aim in life we have that pushes us so hard into the danger ? "

If i would say , i rather be a baby . Though the nation cant progress but if everyone's is happy . I'll think that will be enough.

Sometimes i feel that although i wish to do much more but that's my heart desire only. Maybe it's just the other lazy side of me that is supressing more of my good natured side of me. I just wish to do much more for kofu but maybe now started work all my mind is filled with the bad side of greediness.

Probably i should start reflecting myself.


im kinda lost now.
even if u see me often in gakkai activities doesnt mean im fine . really.
probably u can say im starting to lose my passion.

It's the worse thing that could have happen to an artist when he started to dwindle away from his passion and if nothing replaces this empty hole soon , he's not gonna to be able to take it anymore. in life , in work ...


i need a guiding force. who can pull me out of this slump. i'll sink even deeper once i go into army. thinking of going to sign on army. when im signed on , it'll be a long long journey away from gakkai activities. im afraid that i might come to a point that i might even lose the need or want to join gakkai activities.


the more i think about it the scarier it'll get. i try to think less nowadays. trying to immerse myself in school work and my work . maybe im escaping , maybe it's just not the kind of me that have a deep sense of gratitute to sensei. maybe it's isnt the time yet for me to awaken to it. or probably im just trying to go in circles. Is there a way for me to prove my existance?