yes . it's another great year ahead . so far memories been flowing. in and out. Feel like last year is like kinda dream. I only wish this year will get even better.
Sometimes i really wonder , am i that bad in chasing after girls. i mean after all with a record of ten times + failures in chasing , i probably should think =/ Recently there's a girl that i like . but , maybe i tend to rush into things . it started out great at first , but slowly now as i get to know her more. she's kinda like going further and further from me. abit too far , probably she got someone she like. maybe not. i dunno. no matter how hard i try , failures bound to happen. it always does.
but that doesnt mean i should give her up. my heart keep pulling me on. how strange is this feeling. sometimes it's hard to explain. whenever i see her , she makes my bad day good. her laughter and the way how hard she works at what she wants rubs on me. just seeing her makes my day.
but sometimes , whenever i heard she's going out but she didnt even inform me. i felt like so left out. crossed . lonely. maybe she just missed me . probably
even valentine's day . i ask her out.. she reject. when ask her who she going with , she only reply with a smile.
how on earth will i know who is that. maybe it's not me. probably thinking too much
last xmas when i bought her a necklace , she say she'll wear it. probably not for my eyes to see. maybe not.
this shall probably lead me to depression. might be.
Will you ever notice me...
Tuesday, November 04, 2008
11:35 PM
Some people struggle n fail . Some people get up despite falls. Heavy or small . That's what's human is all about. But not many of us know , the true meaning of our existance in this little planet.
In the reality world where everything demands monetary transaction , everything boils down to how contented u are. Humans arent born to be people of greed but rather mammals that are so pure that they absorb everything and anything they come to in their first sight.
For example , a newborn might not be learning as much as a children who is a few months or maybe a year's old . But the fact that a child can smile so happily it makes me ponder , how often have you seen an adult burst into laughing ? The answer would definitely be less than a handful. That's because as we grow older , we learn more things likewise adding on to the amount of things we have to juggle. This in turn makes us unhappy and not being able to just let go of all our problems to just think for ourselves " Why are we working day in day out without rest ? What is the ultimate aim in life we have that pushes us so hard into the danger ? "
If i would say , i rather be a baby . Though the nation cant progress but if everyone's is happy . I'll think that will be enough.
Sometimes i feel that although i wish to do much more but that's my heart desire only. Maybe it's just the other lazy side of me that is supressing more of my good natured side of me. I just wish to do much more for kofu but maybe now started work all my mind is filled with the bad side of greediness.
Probably i should start reflecting myself.
im kinda lost now. even if u see me often in gakkai activities doesnt mean im fine . really. probably u can say im starting to lose my passion.
It's the worse thing that could have happen to an artist when he started to dwindle away from his passion and if nothing replaces this empty hole soon , he's not gonna to be able to take it anymore. in life , in work ...
i need a guiding force. who can pull me out of this slump. i'll sink even deeper once i go into army. thinking of going to sign on army. when im signed on , it'll be a long long journey away from gakkai activities. im afraid that i might come to a point that i might even lose the need or want to join gakkai activities.
the more i think about it the scarier it'll get. i try to think less nowadays. trying to immerse myself in school work and my work . maybe im escaping , maybe it's just not the kind of me that have a deep sense of gratitute to sensei. maybe it's isnt the time yet for me to awaken to it. or probably im just trying to go in circles. Is there a way for me to prove my existance?
Will you ever notice me...
Monday, October 20, 2008
11:41 PM
it's been hell long since i last posted anything. guess there's tons of cobwebs here already. but nevertheless , i found time to blog a little into what's happening in my life right now.
if some of u remembered , i was struggling pretty heavy the last time i blogged. yeah. it was a fierce battle , i dare not say i've truly won but at least i dare to say i won over myself. it's definitely a struggle to try to clear my modules . but nevertheless , i've cleared almost all of them except one.
Though i've tried but i failed to deliver my promises on time.
after reassuring my lecturers that i will show them i will clear it , they decided to give me a chance to retake that module although it's not possible in logical sense since i have already repeated that module once. it's nvr in the school policy to accept a student to repeat twice for the same module.
nevertheless i decided not just to clear the module but to push myself further. i've taken up a temp job as an admin in NAFA to be able to self sufficient .
after working for nearly a month plus , i felt somehow lost. as in lack of direction as to where should i be heading next time. with this design diploma , what can i possibly acheive.
my mind has been on a rollercoaster ride these days, with emotion running up and down. no one knows , not even my close friends.
Dead end? am i running in circles waiting for things to happen ?
probably.
in fact , i dun even know if i can survive on my dream.
the fact that i only dream... will my dreams be answered?
Will you ever notice me...
Sunday, August 03, 2008
12:07 PM
Dun drool over my page over for music. i love music as much my life . so here's another nice song i would like to share. btw , recently rushing project like no tomorrow. but it will end soon and i will take good care of myself.
There's alot of things happening in nyp recently. It dawn on me that healthy people tends to take good health for granted. of course to say that it's only when you suffer in old age that you will realised the importance of good health.
NO INTERNET IS DRIVING ME NUTS !
argh. this loss of network thingy is driving me crazy. hence it gives me more reason to do kofu . guess no internet also quite good anyway. but you are wondering how on earth i am able to type this now. have to thank the person who let me leech i mean tap his wireless. if not , i cant even surf a web. have to search what materials i need fast so that i can do my stuffs.
anyways , today was fun . after our usual daimouku at ervin house , we went to have our dinner. lots of funny stuffs at daimouku. the chatting session after that was so inspiring. guess storytelling is yijie's talent. i doubt i can do story telling like that.
after which we went abit of shopping here and there. quite fun . unwinding i would say. to relieve stress sometimes is a form of enjoyment also.
not to be emo or whatsoever . just wanted to share a pretty old favourite of mine. by richard marx. meaningful songs.
Will you ever notice me...
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
2:43 AM
Today was super funny nia . the presentation we have to do end up into something humourous all thanks to my team mate i have to crack abit of a joke at the presentation also . Well, it's entertaining but it lacks the content. But it was a relieve that we pull through it. My portfolio was a mess. yes , i know portfolio i cannot afford to repeat but sad to say i might need to come back second semester to complete it. But i can assure you that my spirit to go even further have not been dampen.
there's a small hiccup in my life. it would have turn out to be a good opportunity to get closer to her but i blew the chance. mabbe i wasn't thinking straight when i'm asking her out despite having no sleep the previous day. what am i thinking . haiz . Hope can make it up to her sometime soon .
Will you ever notice me...
Thursday, July 17, 2008
1:14 AM
this video describe what i really have done XD
anyway , thanks everyone in nypsd . you guys are a gem .
Will you ever notice me...
12:58 AM
im sad. really llc now. what's the point of me rushing so much when i didnt even go for the review . what's wrong with me doing so much and not being able to wake up on time. seriously , i hate this. it's not that i wanted to sleep more than usual but it's just that these few days of working overnite have really make my body so weak that i just cant seem to be able to respond to early morning alarm calls.
im sick. im sad.
i just sent a email to my teacher and hope she knows the situation im in now. hope i get another chance as if i miss this chance , it will be over. everything i done for the past few days will be over. really over now i guess. repeating over and over again for the same kind of mistake. have i really grown ? i doubt so.
struggling to go to meetings . struggle to go and finish up my portfolio. struggle to even think of how do i get my portfolio work done . although some i admit when im doing im kinda half - hearted . but i guess if teacher only accept 100% submission , im kinda repeating for another sem . just for this.
no mood. cant even think properly now. abit of mix emotion now. im tired . really tired. shouldnt i be happy that i can struggle that much in just a few days ? shouldnt i be happy doing all gakkai activities? i guess that when one pushes oneself too hard , things will get nasty .
i hope can think of nothing right now and try to get some sleep i should deserve for doing portfolio over the past few days.
sori for taking your time to read. im long winded yeh . just wanna let out my frustration inside me.
